Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
