so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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