If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
