He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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