If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
