Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
