Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
