this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
