my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
