I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
