That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
