I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
