They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
