Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
