Only a mothe r could love this liver
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
