Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
