i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
