he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
