Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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