his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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