I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I just sharted jello shots
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
