covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
