She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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