Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
