Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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