I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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