If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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