I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
