people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
