If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
