I'm really into asian looking animals
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
