I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
