I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
