I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize