ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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