if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
