No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
