i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
