This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
