It's just like the Real World with babies
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
