I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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