He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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