I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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