I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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