As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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