What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
time to smoke my breakfast
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
