Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
