Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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