Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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