u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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