awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
