Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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