just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
