don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
