They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
