i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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