Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
