What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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