I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
