You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Vodka?
Forever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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