last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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