dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
