So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
