he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
