I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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