How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
