I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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