Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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