..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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