there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
