I cannot find my penis.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
