I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she looked like the before picture.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
