I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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