Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
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Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She's allergic to latex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.