So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
