Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
