he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
