Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
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Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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