my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
