So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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