Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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