Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
