We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
