just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize