I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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