Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
