some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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